i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
