I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
