I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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