i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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