I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
