She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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