Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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