If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Randomize
