Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
