Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
