It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
