I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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