Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
