The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
it's like heaven, but drunker
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
