the condom got lost in my hair
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
