Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
