I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
