he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
