I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
