dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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