my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
