Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Randomize
