Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
