I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Randomize
