That's when you crack a 10am beer
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
jump out the window naked night went bad
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