My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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