Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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