I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
