i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
