I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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