4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
