Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
