duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
