I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
