I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
