I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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