At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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