Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
