God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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