i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
