I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
