My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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