And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize
