i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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