i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
