Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
