SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Randomize
