I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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