just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
