He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize