Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Randomize
