i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
