Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
